Work: The good, the bad, the boring.

So I've not blogged for a long time. So what? It's not like you were waiting with baited breath.
Oh? You were? Hmm. Sorry about that.
If you're wondering then, I'm working now. I'm also still alive, still married and still have two dogs and a great family and amazing friends. Those are the important things in my life, but work is generally what people want to hear about. Generally, to feel good that they're not hating their life/work, or to feel jealous that someone else has it better. Believe me - I have been on both sides of this fence.
I'm at Gateway House, the YWCA's domestic violence shelter. And it's FAB. Seriously. I work 4-12, the same as Craig. And that means we generally get to see each other without it causing planets to spin in opposite directions, and get to go to bed together most of the time. That never happened when I was at Alternatives, and rarely in the last year of our relationship. My requirements for 8+ hours of sleep, and his requirements for 6-or-so mean that I'm generally earlier to bed, later to rise. I'm just happy I have cuddle happy dogs ... and now get to cuddle with my husband with less effort required.
The clientele at Gateway is often cause for me to want to take up smoking again. They can be dysfunctional, chaotic and dramatic, pains in the ass, stubborn, immature ... and wonderful, open, heart-warming and generous. It's kind of like anyone else who has good and bad days - but also throw in the stress of community living, being homeless (and broke, without exception so far), an addiction or two, low self esteem and often patience-trying children, and their bad days can be REALLY bad. There's the loneliness of being without their partner (even a hellish life can be comfortable, and thus the act of leaving is not only physically dangerous but emotional hell) and uncertainty of what's next (we give them 6 weeks to start) and the various groups, chores and meetings required of them to stay here ... and I'm exhausted thinking about it. I've often expressed that the act of leaving, of coming to shelter, of making a step toward change and doing it (life, parenting, paying bills) on your own must be the scariest thing imaginable. I know that I would have no idea how to pay for the house or car, balance the various responsibilities of life, but more than anything I would miss my best friend and partner. Even if he were a dangerous maniac who tortured me emotionally and physically. There's something that makes us fall in love with each other, and most women -but often, especially abused women - hold on in the hopes of finding that again.
There are a lot of kids in shelter right now, and I'd take just about any one of them home with me. I LOVE holding the babies ... and the older kids can be the best part of any given day. Hell, there are some moms who I'd take home and raise as my own, 5-year age difference be damned. Most of our clients have never been told they have any worth to the world, and they believe it. When their young lives (most of them are in their 20s right now) have consisted of crappy parents, crappy schooling and crappy boyfriends, it's no wonder they end up here. Add in some sexual abuse, living in the foster system, addiction and abject poverty, and the odds are so stacked against them ... their day to day survival is often all they can consider when they arrive. Feeling good is such an odd feeling that when it happens they can't recognize it. Helping them realize their own strength, empower them to see they are worth something, and guide them toward change that matters in their lives and the lives of their kids is the big picture. Sometimes we get only a glimmer of what could be, but that glimmer is like the sunshine in December - so worth it.
Unfortunately, we have trouble makers too. They feed off of chaos and drama, affecting everyone around them - even staff. And so too often this place can be a bad reminder of high school. Lots of finger pointing, manipulation, lying ... ok maybe not high school so much as prison.
I work with a former classmate, Erin. I'm amazed at what a great boss she is. And no, I'm not saying this to kiss up. It's such an amazing change having a boss who empowers and appreciates me, instead of belitting, devaluing, criticizing and basically making me furious and/or cry. She's really smart about pretty much all domestic violence/sexual assault things related, and her ability to live and let live is one that is really good for me. Basically because that attitude allows me to express frustration when something/someone doesn't work, and then move on. We don't dwell on the negative. Clients are in and out pretty quickly, and though there have been the longest nights I've ever experienced, I know that this place really does matter to people, even years after they've been here.
The work is pretty dang easy too. I am pretty much a speed demon with paperwork (and a good speed demon at that) so I can interact with the ladies a lot more - whether it's playing with them and their kids, having dinner, dying hair ... or holding them while they cry or listen to thier stories or whatever they need. I really do *live* with them for pretty much 8 hours a day. There are some who I know I will miss when they're gone and even wish could be friends ... and some that I would pack their bags for them!
The easiness has a couple pros and cons - one, I get bored when it's slow. As a result I've become REALLY good at computer solitaire. So good, in fact, that the cascading cards that are the reward for victory is not really that exciting anymore. On the other hand, I'm not exhausted (though I've had to put myself on a wak-up-at-10 regimen) and have time to ... of all things ... exercise! Yup, I'm at week-9 of 6-day-a-week work outs (though this is an 'off week' because of fun things going on) and just finished week 8 of marathon training. I'm going to walk the Montana Marathon in September, and I'm terrified and thrilled. When I did my 8-mile walk a couple weeks ago, I was BEAT afterwards. But you know what? When I started, 4 miles did that to me. Now, 4 miles is nothing. I can do it in 52 minutes on the elliptical (dang snow, still can't log a lot of miles outside) and I've lost 11 pounds. Granted, I gained 11 from November to January, but those suckers are GONE! It's pretty cool being able to see it for myself. I've never had such success with losing weight, and to see results as a direct consequence of doing something is great motivation to keep it going. Whenever I think of moving on professionally (I have *should* feelings, that I *should* be working on my license, *should* be earning more, *should* have something more prestigious) I realize that what I can offer in this job, and what it can offer me, is not easily replicated. I'm satisfied ... and not going to broke what's not fixed.
So, that's work. It's certainly not life. But it's part of it. And since I'm sitting at work at 4 a.m., it's definitely on my mind. My very happy mind. I think I'm so lucky.
My last thought ... when I was let go from Alternatives, it was about 2 weeks after I approached my boss and his boss to express lingering upset-ness that he made a pretty inappropriate joke about domestic violence. Now, they didn't see it my way, but I just can't think of any time that DV is funny. It's the very picture of irony that I was fired for speaking up about the NONhumor of DV ... and now I'm working in DV! Take that B/G! I'm with the good guys now.