Recipe for Disaster

Last night, I went to the Windmill with family members. A little girls' night out. Sara and I shared an entree, each having half a baked potato, salad and chicken breast. May sound simple going in, but it was TERROR going out.

I got SOO sick. Crampy. Sweaty. I get sick from a lot of food - Famous Daves, chinese, Mustard Seed, Bruno's, gelato, even Craig's fried chicken. I don't know if it's MSG or grease, but it results in me not being able to eat that stuff often. Sounds easy and a boon to weight loss, right? Not so much. Because I really like all those things! Well, except FD. And my family loves that so I let them go without me.

Craig is in NM today so the dogs and I are home alone. Today is clean the house day, but I also am going to Costco, walking, and working. So today's plans may spill into tomorrow's, but I know that Craig will be THRILLED to come home to a clean house. Last time, I paid Marlene to do it but she has a life now so isn't available. I wonder if there are any kids around looking to earn a few quarters?

I Promise Myself

Ok. I can't get this baby to link up, so just click on the empty box or copy and paste this into your browse: http://video.thesecret.tv/thesecret/optimists-creed/optimists-creed.pdf
You'll thank me.


This is an affirmation from The Secret, which I've recently become interested in. I'm a big believer in the power of prayer, of positive thinking and gratefulness. One of the ways I practice this in my life is the exchange of "Five Favorite things about You" at the end of the day, regardless of how crappy of a day it might have been (in fact, it is a tradition that started after a fight).

My favorite line is: I Promise Myself: to think only of the best, work for only the best and expect only the best.

This applies to my marriage, family and friend relationships, job hunt and weight loss. Why would I not succeed - I am good at so many things in life. This, too, will be one of them.

What I'm grateful for right now: Craig's friendship, our dogs and how much fun we will have with them tomorrow, my family in general and specifically the addition of Sara to our local tribe, my health and Reno 911!

Like you care ...

You know the annoying girl who, at dinner, while eating a tomato (her entree), lists all the things that she has eaten in a day?
Allow me to be that girl:

Breakfast: WW gingersnaps
Lunch: Homemade pizza (turkey pep, cheese, mushrooms, peppers and tomatoes), creamsicle
Dinner: 2 pc pizza, tomato-cuke salad, cheese chunk, 3 c. grapesand a banana.

Pretty good! I drank a TON of water (will be peeing all night) and had sensible portions throughout the day. All my fruits and veggies. Problem: It is 10 p.m. and I am very hungry. I will just go to bed when I get home then not be tempted to eat anything. Although, I *am* tempted to drink something. I can hear David Allen Coe playing on Montana Ave. from the office at the Second Chance Home (work!!) and it would be swell to meet my sweetie after work for a pint. But as we have a killer day tomorrow, it's a better idea to just go to bed.

Tomorrow will be much more of a challenge. At weinerfest, I imagine there will be hotdogs (clever, aren't they?) and at the Lia Sophia party, I requested cream puffs to be present. We are going to dinner at the Windmill, which doesn't have much of a menu, I dont like much on it, and it's all very high-point foods (steak, salmon, etc). So I will need to have carrots with me, it seems, and at least not be hungry while faced with the temptation of cream puffs, dessert, or another glass of wine.

It was so easy to make good choices today. I packed a lunch, counted out each point, etc. I know not every day can be expected to be so stellar (or perhaps its my choices that can't meet such high standards) but I do hope that for the most part, I can make this happen without too much despair. Because trust me, when the going gets rough, I'm the first to reach for a cheeseburger.

Boo-YAH!

Today is the first day of being ON TRACK. I bought a new food journal, used my point calculator on all food (after blowing off the dust) and had husband whip me up some of his excellent tomato-cuke salad. I went on a 45-minute walk (3 activity points!) and had two pre-pointed and accounted-for pieces of homemade pizza for lunch. I work tonight and am packing my dinner, which I've already plugged into the points tracker. I have a few extra so might take some popcorn with in case I get hungry. One of my new experiments is no eating after 9, and since I work til 11 I will get to test that out. It was a big risk of working nights back in the day, after the girls went to bed I just ate. That may have something to do with the awful suppers we served, but commodity cheese and PB are never nutritionally sound, especially not at 1030 p.m.

I weighed in this a.m., and I'm at 250. That is 2 pounds below the tally at the doctor's office two weeks ago, but up 1.8 from my weigh in three weeks ago. I can't say I am surprised that I am exactly where I am when I joined WW last Sept., bc I haven't been eating or exercising like I want to take care of myself. Rather, I've been laying about, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and not thinking twice about the second helping.

I've started over a few times, true. But the falling off the wagon is generally the result of being frustrated and disappointed with my progress - or lack thereof. I intend to measure myself, and keep track of changes in my measurements rather than weight. Fat is fat regardless of where it is, but getting back down to a size 18 - SOLID - would be a good first step. That will get me to where I really want to be, in a 12/14. I wore a 14 all through high school and most of college, and although I didn't like it at the time, I would be so grateful to have that body back!

I am not losing weight because I hate my body, I am doing it because I love myself and love my body, and want to myself and my body to be the best it can be.

This is it!

I have been thinking about the power of energy and thoughts, and how combined they can hold us back or help us accomplish anything.

I had a killer headached today but managed to take a 20-min. walk. I left the dogs at home since I wasn't feeling well and did't want to struggle with them. Ideally I could do a longer walk by myself then take them each on shorter walks or take them both for one. Bodie is so hard to control that it makes walking rather stressful. I watched Dog Whisperer tonight, though, and have identified some behaviorial issues to address. Now just need the tools to do that ... Really, we can do anything in life with the right tools.

My cousin moves to town on Sat. and I am hoping that we will be able to coordinate our schedules to work out some together. She has coordinated a Family Weight Loss Challenge, with the big goal of each of us losing 20 percent of our body weight. For me, that is 50 pounds. In six months. I am really looking forward to making this happen, to having the support and camaraderie of our family. It's a much better method than complaining and griping about being fat and our bad eating habits.

Tomorrow is my first day back to WW in a LONG time. My plan is to get up early, garage sale for a while, go to the meeting, return home to walk while Craig closes on his dad's condo, then get some errands done at Hobby Lobby. I work my first shift at Second Chance Home tomorrow night, and I'm rather nervous. It's been a long time since I worked at all, let alone direct support. And since I'm just relief I don't really have any say while I'm there. I'm hoping to just sit back and relax and get paid.

I have some job things cooking, but nothing is going to fall into place within a week. So, temping here I come. I'll probably do it through July then just try to find something else full time. I looked at the CO positions for the women's jail and I would SO not pass the physical test right now. I'm really quite surprised that there the same standards for cops apply to COs, but I imagine it's good to be in shape when a riot happens.

I am really over the YMCA. I have been dissatisfied there for awhile. I suggested dropping our membership, but Craig wants to get back into the swing of it. However, he did agree to check out Anytime Fitness, which is open 24-7 and just a couple blocks from here. Truthfully, I will go to any gym that will motivate us both to show up and do the work. I was a little sore from my core workout last night so I guess it must have done something. Either that or my muscles atrophied from staying in bed all day.

My life is certainly in flux - job searching, coming up on one year of marriage, my FIL moving here, and trying to change my body and mind to focus on healthy living. I'm giving myself permission to complain once a day, but no more than five minutes. We don't have enough time in this life to waste it whining.

It's magic!

Eating less + moving more = weight loss.
Amazing!

I have been doing weight watchers since our wedding last year and am currently about 3 pounds heavier than where I started. At my best, I'd lost six. Those are six very expensive pounds.

Earlier this year I did Activate America at the YMCA. It's basically group training in class format. I lost inches and got in WAY better shape. It was great and I loved the committment of being there twice a week. I even got motivated enough to decide to run a 5K, but the motivation disappeared when my shin splints had me crying after a few laps around the track.

I was in PT for a few months, during which I focused on strengthening my shoulder, back and core. I need to do the shoulders at least every other day or get headaches and major neck pain. I loved the core workouts bc I had them with a personal trainer. I still do them at home but they're not as fun as they once were. This may have something to do with the Biggest Loser not being on, as I used to do the hour long workout while watching.

I watched a show on fitTV tonight, highlighting the 100 pound weight loss of a man. Though men lose faster, it's possible for women to build muscle while losing fat. I've seen it, I've heard about it. In my life, it's simply hearsay but I have faith. Anyway, he was a really pick eater but actually suffered from OCD bc he had so much anxiety regarding food. Addressing those issues, combined with the tutelage of a personal trainer, was the key for him.

It's easy to say that I need this or that to be successful in my weight loss. But all I really need is myself. To motivate myself, to believe in myself, to push myself when I feel like quitting. So even though today was rather dumpy, I had a healthy lunch. My healthy dinner turned into a two-sandwich meal, totalling about 60 points for the day. Not very good for actually trying to work it today. But I had a cup of ice cream rather than three, and it's those small steps that get you to the top of the tower. I napped rather than walked this afternoon and joined Laura for an evening stroll but we got rained out. So for the first hour I've been watching fitTV and doing my core workout. I've tivo-d more workouts on tv so can have choices when I need to work out at home.

I am interested in the Body for Life Challenge and Best Life Diet. But I don't know that I have the strength to commit. I mean, look at how WW has been going - obviously not that good. I would toss around the F word but am trying to be more positive. I'm even thinking of reading the Secret in hopes that it will help direct my energy in a positive direction.

The truth is, the key to being healthy isn't on a tv show or in a book. It's in every ab curl and arm row. It's in every mile and every piece of lettuce. It's adopting the core truth that I am worth taking care of myself, I am worthy of success, and that I can do whatever I want in life. It's about believing that every moment of life and living it too. It's about getting up in the morning because I love me.

Rootin-Tootin Frootin

One of the things I hate about MT is the lack of fruit. Sure, we have some cherries, strawberries, some melons and I've even heard of the occasional peach. But this lack of fruit makes me a total weenie.

Pretty much the most exotic thing I eat is kiwi fruit. And that's a total pain in the ass to peel. So today when I was buying groceries, I looked at the mangoes and starfruit, the various pears and other tree-growing foods, but had no idea what one would do with such things. I've considered buying them and putting them in the fruit basket in the hopes someone would stumble in and say "oh, that. Let me fix it for you." In the meantime, I keep buying bananas and letting them go bad before I can eat all of them.

Other news in the fruit world - I want to make popsicles! I have the juice, frozen fruit and dixie cups to make it happen. But for the life of me, I don't know where to buy the sticks. My great aunt used to make pudding pops in tupperware things, and they were the highlight of my young life. Yu-UM-mm! But in the meantime, the frozen stuff just continues to take up room in the freezer. But then, so do the boxes of veggies I have in there and I wont even pretend those are getting eaten.

In other news, I did a freelance story today and happened to find the BEST CHILDCARE CENTER EVER. I am going to start saving money for the tuition now, and extracted a promise that I won't have to wait when I want my kids to get in. They are opening in a few weeks, so it just may happen that I could work for them. Some kid there has got to hate their parents, right?

Impossible!

It's happened- I found bad wedding cake. Not only did I find it, I ate it. Just a small piece. It was too gross for seconds.

Can't say I'm surprised since it sat on a table for at least two days prior, and was obviously the result of a supermarket (I can be snooty about this, my mother in law is a pro). But don't cry for me, because the lack of cake made it possible to enjoy a huge sundae from the ice cream bar.

Though last weekend's wedding was lovely (Craig's cousin and her husband married in Erie, CO) it did not compare to ours. I figure every couple thinks this, though, so I'm not going to press the issue.

I have been taking walks lately - my goal is never go more than one day without exercising on purpose. So yesterday it was a jaunt with the dogs. Because Bodie pulls and goes fast and crosses and cuts off, I swore he'd never join again. But Marlene had a positive experience with the pooches at Riverfront, so we tried again this morning. There were several stops on our 45-minute jaunt, required to readjust Bodie's leash snaking up my arm to keep him right next to me. His old family came to visit tonight, and I shared that his speed at least makes me walk faster and thus burn more calories, making my bowl of ice cream possible.

Craig and I walked through downtown Boulder over the weekend. There is a whole park of trails but the difficulty of finding parking to access it made us choose another route. The UC campus is available for walking pleasure as well, but the bright farmer's market and rushing river next to the trails made us choose that path. Makes our few trails look damn pathetic, and the cost of living there almost justified.

I had a hot-stone massage today, a graduation gift from my aunts. It was stellar. I love being at the spa, relaxing to the sound of water, showering there, using all their hair products. It is there, naked on a table, feeling every neuron of my body, grounded in creation, that I thank God for creating me as a beautiful, strong woman. I've had a hard time doing that lately, what with the 10 pounds and with the increase in pants size I've experienced this month. But the truth of the universe is that we are all loved. Dress size be damned.

It was also at the spa that I began thinking of my likes and dislikes. I share them now for your better ability to please me <3 I'll add more as I think of them.

LIKES:
ice cream
popcorn
fresh-cut grass
sunsets
ABBA
porches, decks, balconies, patios
long distance phone calls
writing for the heck of it
good work out music
being in love
cuddling with the dogs
new books
strong coffee
being able to silence my cell phone
talking to old friends
out-of-the blue emails
the way I feel after a good sweat
action for social justice
old country
speaking other languages
the prairie
good convo with my brother
spontaneous choreography
stain glass
ambient lighting
dressing up
Love Actually
lipgloss
smelling good
knitting
notarizing
good classes
success

DISLIKES:
feeling ugly
hard-to-read textbooks
uncertainty
signature collecting
power outages
debt
chapped lips
dry skin
horror movies
late library books
heartbreak
doing dishes
losing my temper
not seeing the stars
xenophobes
Gretchen Wilson
folding clothes
allergies
taking out trash
ice (on the ground, not in drinks)
missing appts/being late
printer not working
loneliness
being cold
hair that wont dry
increasing cost of stamps
sore neck/back/shoulder/hips/headaches
puppy accidents
fake people

Unrealistic Expertise

Last week my doc and I were talking about one of the local clinic's weight management classes. She said the leaders of the class preach protein at each meal, no eating after 6, put the fork down bw bites and eat only at the table. Sounds genius.

Sounds hard.

I like protein, especially since I can claim it in the form of cheese, so that's not hard. Today for lunch we had aparagus, mushrooms and salmon in olive oil noodles. A good summer lunch. And of course, getting protein at tonight's ballpark BBQ won't be a challenge. And I could certainly put down the fork between bites. I just have to write it on my hand or something because that is seriously hard to remember.

But no eating after 6 - I haven't been home before 6 p.m. while working for two years. The combination of group sessions and class required either a swing through Wendy's or dinner at 9. Even now, with my work status easily defined as "jobless", Craig isn't home for dinner until 7. So that means I either don't eat with my husband, or he comes home an hour early. The latter is impossible, the former undesirable.

And I would never eat at the desk or couch - if I had an option. We are currently without table. Though I do rarely eat at the bar, it is usually covered with papers, leashes, wallets, and other things that it was certainly intended for. And Craig basically refuses to sit up there, so again we have the not-eating-with-spouse problem.

So while these are tips that may look good on paper, they are certainly more difficult to apply to *my* real life.

Here's to protein, I guess.

Cheeseburgers in Paradise

I am certain that heaven is a BBQ smorgasbord.

Barbecues are one of my favorite summer traditions. Each night, it seems, features some variation of beef-on-the-grill. Potlucks, where various people bring salads and desserts, are BBQ Gone Wild. I am powerless.

At our BBQ last weekend, we had fish, chicken, burgers; salads and cookies; an ice cream sundae bar. Tonight at my cousin's, Scotcheroos made an appearance. Is there anything better than chocolate on a rice krispie bar?

Here's the problem - love the food, hate the calories. So how do I have what I want at these events without going over board? I could skip the burger without a lot of sadness, but seconds on watermelon doesn't seem like a punishable offense. Seconds on the bars, however, there should be a law. The bright side is that I avoided alcohol tonight. Tomorrow night, at our end-of-campaign picnic and party, I don't know that I'll be so strong. I do know there will be hot dogs - I won't have a problem avoiding them at all.

Long time no Diet

I haven't been here for a while. Likely not a problem since no one else has been either. But I've had all kinds of LIFE happening - graduating from my master's program, going on my honeymoon, campaigning for a children's health initiative, looking for a job, adding a dog to our lives.

Conspicuously missing from that list is any sort of working out. It's true. Around about April, I just STOPPED going ot the gym. Still walked Zu when possible, but working out became a bother. During our honeymoon in CA, the caloric sky was the limit. I returned 1.5 pounds heavier. Then the next week, primary day happened and I coped with three donuts, lunch out, DQ and nachos. Three pounds. Friday, at the doc's office, their scale reported another 2 pounds gain. So I've basically put on 7 pounds in less than a month. That's impressive.

Also mighty damn depressing.

So, I am back at the gym. Doing my core work at home. Shoulder PT every day. It's a good thing. If I get too rowdy, my cough starts up and people fear for my life. Hell, I fear for my life. So I am sticking to core and PT and weights and walking. And feel great for doing it.

It seems that I gain weight over the summer - with more red meat and booze added to the diet - then spend the rest of the year getting it off. Well, last summer's add is still around my mid-section (and ass). So gaining this year - out of the question.

Yesterday at the store I bought as much fresh fruit and veggies as I could afford, yogurt and 100-cal packs, granola bars and such. We had a big breakfast this a.m., so my midday snack is berries and a granola bar. Tonight is a BBQ, where I've been warned that only beef burgers will be available. I will probably have one, but that will be it for the week. Last week we had burgers a few times as there were leftovers from my birthday party-BBQ, and I see those as detrimental to the loss.

In the coming days, I'll be writing about our menus and modifications, eating out at restaurants and homes, and how we deal with that from day to day. Also, updates on my progress at the gym. I'm going to do Activate America again starting next week, and the strides I made last time around hopefully return quickly as I'm WAY out of shape again.

So while I might not be the Shrinking Ang each day, I am the "Living life and enjoying it" Ang.