A few days later

Well, we are all moved in. If cleaning for several hours didn't earn me APs, it at least earned me good-wife points. I swear, if I knew cleaning the floor of a man-bathroom was going to be that gross, I'd made him do it.

Having my parents here this weekend was so great. Just one thing - food choices. We went to Famous Dave's on Sat., and I intended to have a salad. But by the time we got there I was so hungry I was like "bring it on". So, salmon-fries-corn bread muffin-and-beans later, I was stuffed. Oh, and that's not counting the 2 22-oz. Fat Tires I had (and deserved if I say so myself). So I am allowing myself no flexies this week, which hasn't been a problem too bad - yesterday I hit 29 total and I wont be much higher today. Food is not yummy when I'm coughing all the time (which means STILL no gym but I am going to ZUMBA tomoro nite whether my lungs like it or not). Oh, and I think that I have finally convinved the fam that FD's is a no-go when I'm with: the time spent in the bathroom that nite should be evidence enough.

We are loving being in our new place, but would be enjoying life in general alot more if we weren't coughing so much. Makes sleep nearly impossible. Makes work dreadful. People look at me like I have Ebola, so class is minimal fun as well. The part I hate most about being sick - and I never would have thought I'd be the one saying this - is that the gym is out of the question. There's nothing cool about coughing all over the elliptical.

One glitch in the condo - fire alarms. On Sat. nite, they went off with no provocation for about 20-30 mins. The next day they went off a few times late that nite and then yesterday as well. The only one today, that I know of, was about 7 a.m. The electrician was over this afternoon so hopefully it's all fixed. We are sposed to be getting a gate put in for the parking lot, and an intercom too. I feel jipped bc we bought it expecting those things and they aren't in but I won't throw too much of a fit - yet. For now, visitors get to knock on the window for us to let them in. How convenient :)

We get internet access Th., and WI is Fri. Wish me luck.

False Advertising

So the title of my blog is off this week. Way off, it turns out.

We all know that I didn't make the best food choices. Nor did I get to the gym at all. Between being sick and being between kitchens I have not eaten something that required more than a microwave for at-home preparation all week.

And I got my ass kicked as a result. Up three pounds.

I pretty much knew it was coming but not that much. So, I'm going to stay On Plan all week, use little to no flexies and will get to the gym at least three times and go for a 30-40 min. walk three times. All that, plus packing, unpacking, trolling the stores, and a day of cleaning, and I should be back where I came from in no time. And the key, really, is tracking what I eat. If I have a bagel sandwich for 19 points, I dont get to pretend it was only 9. Part of being held accountable is making myself do the work.

Dear Diet Gods, ...

... Please forgive me for yesterday's milkshake and the subsequent burger. My thighs have never done anything wrong, please don't punish them.
Please forgive me for not working out lately, the coughing has been out of control. I swear to take Zula for a walk tomorrow, or Friday.
Please forgive me for not counting points as consistently as I should be. I feel like it's a lost week and shouldn't even bother.
Please forgive me for fearing the scale and not taking into consideration that I am a whole and beautiful person even when I don't lose weight.
Please forgive me for losing sight of the journey and I pray that you shine your light on the way.
Please forgive me for losing hope. And I pray that you infuse me with a little more of it.
Amen.

Bleh all over the place

The above is a line I stole from Sherri. She experienced the bleh as a result of pregnancy vomiting. That is not my bleh-ness, but the cold that started last week has run. me. over.

I spent most of the day in bed, Again. I woke up at 630 from coughing, and decided to take a trip to Same Day Care. I was coughing so hard last nite I could hardly breathe, and that was just about the scariest feeling ever. For at least, the day at least.

I still haven't gotten to work out at all, but my intake today is pretty minimal. I intend on going to the Soup Place for a good bowl of chicken noodle and a cheesy grilled. Not especially diet friendly, but comforting at the very least. I'll be studying as I do it, so believe me, I won't enjoy it too much.

grr

Even in creating a new lifstyle for myself I can't avoid bad days. Guess I'm not as in-charge as I thought!

I have been sick a few days and today it really settled in. Coughing, lots of snot, headache. So I've been in bed, all day.

Craig downloaded the new Radiohead album yesterday. We were very excited until realizing that the new album came with a variety of viruses that essentailly crashed our computer. The guys at Best Buy wouldn't look at it bc Zu chewed on the cord and they didn't feel 'safe.'
Since diagnosing and cleaning cost a cool 300, Craig went to the refurbished-Mac store and just picked up a new computer for the same price. So now, my dream of an iBook has come true. Problem is - no word processing, no printer, and it's not nearly as fast as the old computer. We opened up my computer to see if we could get it in tip top shape, and the answer there is a big ol' no. Rather poo timing since I was going to let Christin have my computer until she could afford hers, but now I need to keep it for the Word capabilities.

We aren't going to the potluck tonite bc I am sick, but Craig made the dessert. The only bonus of not eating all day -- I have had two bowls of noodle kugel and have points to spare. Not going to the movie tonite after all, so wont have to save up for popcorn.

Working out is out of the question today and likely tomoro but at this point I can breathe. That's a good development.

The Verdict is In

Well, whatever I'm doing (Weight Watchers to be exact) is working. At today's weigh in, I'd lost another 1.6 pounds for a grand total of .... duhduhduuuuh! 5.2 pounds! I am still 15 more than I was in May, but five closer to goal.

To celebrate, I applied for a job - holiday help at Eddie Bauer in the mall. I worked there when I first came to Billings and loved it until reaching the point where retail begins to deplete the soul. Anyway, I am hoping to get a couple shifts a month until Christmas break, then a few times a week. My big intent is to save money for our Vegas trip in January but the truth of the matter is I'll likely to spend all my earnings on clothes. If it weren't for the fabulous discount, it'd hardly be worth it.

In fact, I considered buying some shirts there today. My official 'look' for the season is long sleeve tshirt/sweater/hoodie under a vest. They have good cheap tshirts and vests, for that matter, but will they fit? I will have to try them on, and likely have a good cry if not.

Shopping has not been fun in a long time, and I'm looking forward to it being enjoyable again. But in the meantime, we are going to a dinner tomoro nite where the vest-hoodie-sweats combo is off limits. Not only will I be tempted with food that I can't plan ahead for (we are taking a noodle keugel tho - ha! reminds me of kegels) but I need a new top. I'd like to find a nice black sweater, and have a Dillards gift card to employ, but dread going in there. God, give me strength.

We had salmon and garlic mashed potatoes tonight. One of our favorite meals. However, now that I am eating well and feel so good most of the time, I really notice when something I eat knocks that feel-good pattern out of whack. Not sure if it was the fish or the potatoes, or the garlic even, but something did not set well. Craig was feeling icky too, so I can't just point to the fattiness of the fish (although it is good fat!). I am now going to be tracking not only my food but how it affects me. I want to figure out just what it is that contributes to my nastitummy on a regular basis. And so help me God I hope it's not a gluten allergy, I can't imagine being able to diet well and keep that in mind. Although, I guess oranges and yogurt wouldn't be the worst diet in the world!

Added some leg weights and ball squats to the run today, and I am SORE. Depressing because it wasn't long ago when I OWNED the leg equipment at the machine. Now, just imagining a round of trainer-induced stepups makes me shudder and hide. It will take a while - just like everything else that is healthy lifestyle related - but I'll have my ass of steel back yet!

A workout is Good For ...

Yesterday was a dreary kind of day, one that reminds you winter is near. Lots of leaves fell, and the minute we stepped outside to take Zula for an afternoon walk, it started raining and didn't stop for hours. Instead, we took her to the Barking Bakery so she got a brownie (she's not on a diet) and played with a new friend, Max. After, Craig and I got muffins from Great Harvest Bread Co. When he went to work, Zula and I had a snuggly nap and I didn't care if I never worked out again.

But I had class at 6, and after, DEFINITELY needed a workout to work out all the FRUSTRATION with my prof. I guess that's going to be my stress reliever for the semester, and hopefully for the rest of my life. Much better results than smoking, and seeing as that didn't always help me feel much better, I'll take the elliptical machine anyday.

If someone wants to come over and learn my Zumba dvds with me, I'd love it. I just hate feeling so uncoordinated by myself! Although, I'm sure Craig would look good shakin' his booty ...

The Terror of Twelve Hour Days

I was at YBGR all day yesterday, cognitive-behavior-modifying young minds. It was all in all a good day, until a family therapy that ended with the kid running out of the office and hiding followed by a group session during which I was largely ignored.

Sweet little SOBs huh?

Anyway, I had a lunch packed, but had to scrounge in the kitchen at Leuthold for a snack - chose Ritz Bits Cheese crackers and they were five frickin points! Wasn't too big of a deal since Id had nine total previously.

I didn't get back to town until about 520, and class started at 6. I decided to swing through Wendy's, and thought chicken nuggets with a small fry would be doable. Unfortunately, they were OUT of chicken nuggets so I acquiesed to a chicken fillet sandwich. I knew it wasn't a good choice, and I still loved every hot, salty fry and the crunch of fried chicken.

Oops.

After the longest three hours of my life- well, that is until tonight's class - I came home. I moved laundry from one machine to another, checked email and CRASHED. There was absolutely no way that I was going to get a work out in, even to balance out the fast food.

I used to have a lot of 12hr days, and they weren't so bad - it was the 14hr days that killed me. However, being older and out of practice, I am certainly not the trooper I once was.

I have not worked out to my ZUMBA tapes that I got in the mail yet, but I have the feeling that our new condo - which we hope to close on Monday - will be the perfect pseudo-gym. Small, yes, but having no walls can certainly trick the mind into thinking you're at the Y!

If anything, yesterday and days like it teach me that making one less-than-stellar choice is not the end of the world, as long as you only allow yourself one at a time. If I'd left class and indulged further, I'd be pretty disappointed in myself. I also think that having NOT continued with the bad choices is progress for me, and I'll take the pat on the back (as long as I can reach).

Making another batch of lasagna stew today or tomoro. Wish us portion-controlled luck :)

God's food

A glass of wine
Salty, buttery popcorn, shared with pup

Not even metaphysics could ruin that bliss.

Menu Freedom

Ok, generally, I am not an Applebee's fan. We went there a lot in college, but now if I'm going out to eat I want BrewPub or Bruno's or something (all local so don't expect to be familiar). However, now that we are 'on plan,' it's easiest to go to Applebee's where the menu lists Points.

Today, lunch out consisted of mom, Craig and me. All three of us are doing Points in some form or other. Mom is most successful so far, with a 25-pound loss. We split a chicken quesadilla for an app, then Craig and I each had the portabella-steak meal. It was VERY saucy but came with potatoes and steamed broccoli, so was all in all nutritious and delicious. All that for 9.5 points.

Because we love taco salads, and the ones in menus are generally not worth the calories, we make them at home quite often. Some ground turkey, light tortilla chips, light sour cream and lettuce and we're just about there. The best part of this meal, for me, has always been the guacamole. However, it's also the deadliest. We had two packages of guac after our wedding and I ate each in a single sitting. Do you know how many points are in 3C or so of guacamole? 45. That is a day and a half for me.

So tonight was the first time we had this lovely freshness since the wedding. We bought avocados at the store on Friday. They were very ripe then and tonight, on their last legs. But I think somewhere between the mixing and the table, they passed and died. We ate the guac on our salads, mixing with the meat and veggies, but when I began chip dipping discovered it was rather limey. I asked Craig to taste it, because his pronouncement of 'it's the salsa' didn't quite match my thoughts.

His report - maybe the avo was closer to its last leg than we thought. So, we threw it out. Solution to not eating 45 points of guacamole? Make it rotten and throw it out :)

MUFFINS!

So among my new strategies is to have low-cal/fat treats on hand. We are fans of the sweet and the salty, but sweet is harder to come by most of the time. Here are a couple muffin varieties if you'd like to try:

Pumpkin spice muffins (2 points)
1 box spice cake mix, dry
1 can pumpkin

Mix the two together; bake 350 for about 15 minutes. They taste mostly like spice cake but are VERY moist.

Fudgy FiberOne cupcakes (1 point)
Take 3C FiberOne cereal, soak in warm water 5 minutes.
Add a box of dry low-fat fudge brownie mix.
Mix.
Bake according to cupcake directions on box

WARNING: These muffins do NOT replace brownies in any way, shape or form but are a nice treat. Nor, however, do they taste like tree bark, er, I mean, Fiber One. Craig loves them.

Slow cooker lasagna stew

Slow Cooker Lasagna Stew
POINTS® Value: 8
Servings: 6
Preparation Time: 20 min
Cooking Time: 360 min

Ingredients 1 pound uncooked lean ground beef (with 7% fat) (we used ground turkey)
1 small onion(s), chopped
1 medium garlic clove(s), minced
28 oz canned crushed tomatoes
15 oz canned tomato sauce
1 tsp table salt 1 tsp dried oregano 1/2 tsp dried basil 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes, or to taste
1 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
1 1/2 cup part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded, divided
6 items dry lasagna noodles, no-cook (I use the wheat kind)
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese, strong-flavored like Romano or Parmigiano Reggiano

Instructions Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add beef, onion and garlic, and cook, stirring frequently and breaking up meat with a wooden spoon as it cooks, about 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato sauce, salt, oregano, basil and crushed red pepper flakes; simmer 5 minutes to allow flavors to blend.

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, stir together ricotta cheese and 1 cup of mozzarella cheese. Spoon 1/3 of beef mixture into a 5-quart slow cooker. Break 3 lasagna sheets in half and arrange over beef mixture; top with half of ricotta mixture. Repeat with another layer and finish with remaining 1/3 of beef mixture. Cover slow cooker and cook on low setting for 4 to 6 hours. (I was on high for 2-3)

Remove cover; turn off heat and season to taste, if desired. In a small bowl, combine remaining 1/2 cup of mozzarella cheese and Parmesan cheese; sprinkle over beef mixture. Cover and set aside until cheese melts and lasagna firms up, about 10 minutes.
Yields 1/6th of dish per serving. © 2007 Weight Watchers International, Inc.

This was extremely tasty, but easy to go overboard on. Use a measuring cup for portions. You can add/subtract cheese according to taste. I was surprised how hard it was for me to find all the right cheeses, learning something new with this cooking gig all the time!

Not so Shrunken

Today I made this really great lasagna stew (really just lasagna that you put in the crock pot) for our lunch. It was supposed to also serve as tonight's dinner, and maybe even tomoro's lunch. Figured there were at least 6 servings in there.

We got four.

I had my first biggish bowl, and after Craig's meal, there was just a little left that I decided to finish off.
It cost me 30 points. That is all I get for the day.

So now I am feeling really disappointed in myself, and in us. Where's all this portion control learning we've done? The first mistake we made, though, was not using a measuring cup to glop it out. I bet I had 3C and Craig had probly 4C. That is more lasagna ANYTHING than either of us need.

At least it was a WW recipe. If it were the real Italian thing I think we'd be screwed for the week. Part of my disappointment is tied to my great fear of gaining weight at weigh in on Friday. I've had two good weeks in a row and don't want to lose momentum, and a gain (or even a non-loss) will do that to me.

I'll post the recipe later. At least if you try it, you'll know how I became so weak!

Something to be said for portion control...

You know how I ate all those veggie crisps last night?

I was up at 2 a.m., in the bathroom, wishing for death.

Guess I learned my lesson with that one!

This one time, at my wedding .... I was a knockout.

Grama Ruth, me and Mom.

Hotttt!

And of course a beautiful woman has beautiful friends.

I felt pretty! Oh so pretty!

But still, I look at these pictures and see flaws. Yes, I was more beautiful than I've ever been before (I think). But my fittings were not, um, without problems. My arms could have been, um, muscley-er. And I DREADED back cleavage.

My solace, honestly, is knowing that by my first anniversary, that dress will be too big. And that there will be many more opportunities to feel pretty. If it can happen at a size 20, it can happen anytime.

Progress?

In the last two weeks, I have worked out all days but three.
I have lost three pounds.
I have tried several new recipes and said "no thanks" to lattes.
And in the last 30 minutes I've eaten 3/4 bag of veggie crisps.

Life as a fat girl isn't really that bad. In fact, who can argue with daily naps, gallons of ice cream and pitchers of margaritas? Well, my clothes argued, I guess. The week after my wedding, I tried on several pairs of pants Monday morning before finding a pair I could squeeze into. That wasn't all that surprising, considering I'd eaten like I was celebrating a marriage the entire week previously. What was surprising, I guess, was that I am doing something about it.

I joined Weight Watchers within days and am what some might call "obsessive," but I prefer "committed". I already have all my goals planned out - a new purse at 10 pounds, shoes at 20. Vegas in January where hopefully I'll flaunt less-cellulited thighs. And when I hit 200 pounds, I'm buying a new wardrobe. Hopefully that'll fall in line with graduation and the honeymoon to SanFransisco.

But what I've learned this time around - because not only have I been a passenger on the weight loss train before, but was 30-pounds lighter with W.W. in 03 (note:after gaining that 30 back, I packed on 20 this summer. Birthday cake ice cream be damned!) - is that this is a journey. Some days, I'm not going to work out. Some days, I won't resist the bag of veggie crisps.

But somedays, I'll hit the elliptical machine like I'm running because I love it. And somedays, I'll pass up gelato because I know I've hit my max points.

Every day, I get better. And hopefully, smaller.