A Finely Woven Mat of dog hair

According to dachshund experts, the breed is blessed with a lack of shedding. This is mostly true, I've always thought, because altough Zu sheds a bit, her black hair stands out and it's not a lot.

Well, Bodie proves me, and those damn experts, wrong.

My sweet, sweet boy is a Piebald doxie. I think the 'bald' part is because he sheds so fucking much it's a miracle he has any hair left. His soft, white hair is on EVERYTHING. Our rugs and floors look like we haven't vacuumed in years, not the seven days it's really been. My brown comforter appears to have flecks of white splattered on it. And the couches and recliner feature a thin coating of his silky as snow hair. When he rides along to take me to work, I have to de-fur with the sticky roller before going inside. I tend to wear dark colors, and they nearly always feature a little extra white somethin'-somethin'.

My only wish is that his dog hair were worth about $10 a metric ton. Because we'd be MILLIONAIRES tomorrow. He is so soft and sweet, I mentioned I'd like a Bodie blanket. A friend laughed and said we could skin him but really, it would just be a matter of weaving together all his leftovers covering my house. Gross.

As I've vacuumed, swept and washed all the linens and clothes today, I've become ever more aware of just what a problem we have on our hands. He doesn't have a thick coat, so how the hell can he spare so much hair? Craig says our only options are to shave him, spray him down with a fine mist of lacquer, or deal. I guess I'll deal, but don't expect me to like it. White just doesn't look that good on me.

PS I bitch, but Bo is the greatest little boy. I love him and his damn fur a whole lot.