Grumbling on the way

Motivation is something that comes from within, something I know all too well. Only I could force myself through the hardest semesters of grad school, only I could get out of bed on the darkest days, and only I can choose not to stuff my face with pizza.
And so, too, it's only I that can tie up my shoes and hit the pavement. For the last three months, that is what I have been doing. Initially, I was seeing great gains, and losses. Down 11 pounds on the scale in 6 weeks. I went from barely eeking out 2- and 3mile walks to pounding four twice a week. The first 8miler I did was the hardest of my life; the second: a piece of cake.
But now that I'm not seeing progress, it's hard to make myself tie up the shoes, and it's even harder to convince myself I want to. When there are dogs to pet, books to read and sun to soak, why separate myself from those I love to sweat on the asphalt?
The first leg of my journey, always, is the hardest. My daily route consists of the two miles to work and back - through downtown, past the mission, up one of the most beautiful streets in Billings, halved by a plenty hard hill. The blocks barely eek by - 3rd is the longest ever, no 4th, then 5th ... 9 blocks seems like pure trudgery.
But then I hit the top of the hill - and I speed home. There's a spring in my step, I race the beat of my iPod and *am* the epitome of groove. Today, as I lept closer to home, I figured out why.
The first half of my trip is where I get used to thinking. And because lately, the first thoughts that come to mind aren't very happy ones, I have about two miles to sort through those before I get to let my mind wander away from dogs and pains and fights and conflicts and troubles and worries. On the last two miles, I've done my daily allotment of worrying, so I get to think about the future, and how much I love my husband, and how lucky I am to have my family, and how wonderful my friends are, and how I have the cutest dogs in the world. The last two miles more than make up for the first two, in happiness and speed.
I've been able to shave about two minutes off my mile time - not all that impressive, as I'm still at a solid 18. But I have to hope that as my tan gets frecklier and the days get longer and the sun shines for days on end, the happy thoughts will take up more than just two miles. Two really FAST miles.