I've got a big butt and I cannot lie

So at the gym where I work out, there is a wall of mirrors across from the weight machines. It figures that when people who are in great shape are working on getting into better shape, they want to watch themselves doing so.

I use the mirrors to check out my ass.

Now this isn't just for vanity's sake. When I am passing those machines, I want to avert my eyes so as to not be cursed by their bone crushing power. See, I am basically scared of lifting weights, at least when it comes to upper body. I have had so many shoulder problems, and now that it's mostly under control I don't want to fuck anything up. Makes sense right? So yeah, the ass.

It was a little more than a year ago when I noticed that my booty was becoming bigger. I even likely remarked to Craig something along the lines of "hmm, I think I'm getting a big butt." Chances are, he'd already noticed.

I'd like to say that my ass enlarged as a result of muscle turning to fat. But really, I don't know that there was enough muscle there to blame. Apparently, around the age of 25 my love of carbs started depositing on my butt and thighs. Up until that point, I had a tummy but the rest of me was acceptable. More acceptable anyway.

Last year when I was working with a trainer, he had me squat, lunge and glute-push all in the efforts of having a tight bum under my wedding dress. The sight of Reese shaking his booty motivated me through many sets of the hateful exercises.

On one of my mirror walks recently, it was confirmed that indeed, my ass has not reduced in size. In fact, my ass seems to have taken on a life of its own. You know how women's hips sort of sway when they walk? Well nowadays, my ass sways too. After the hips. Like a one-two, one-two to a very, very bad song.

So at this point, it seems that my ass has taken on a life of its own. There's the increased size, the fleshier flesh, and the ripply cellulite. And now, its own little dance. To a very, very bad cha-cha.